Neck

I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
“I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox
And there’s one more--that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangn
What a Priest is Doing in Hell
What a Priest is Doing in Hell A priest appears at the gate to hell. Surprised, because priests were rare in hell, a demon gets curious and jumps into the priest's path. "How'd you die?" he thunders at him. The priest replied, "I had a heart attack." Demon: "Alright, what happened?" Priest: "Someone broke my windows, popped the tire on my Harley, and stole all my tools out of my shed." Demon: "Well that'd give some a heart attack alright. But you're a priest! Why are you in hell?" Priest: "Well, I was receiving confessionals when a boy walked in and said "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." I asked what he did. He said "I broke someone's windows, popped a tire on his Harley, and stole all his tools." I had a heart attack while I was wringing that little bastard's neck."
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.