Mothers Jokes

Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
My Son Is Better Than Yours Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, "my son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic women chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace." The third Catholic woman says smugly, "well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence." The fourth Catholic women sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle "Well...?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "My God".
“Sooner or later we all quote our mothers." – Bern Williams
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

- Milton Berle.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?

Good restaurant reservations.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
What is a newborn mothers favorite song? Silent night!
Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
They never let anyone finish a sentence!
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