Mothers

What is a newborn mothers favorite song? Silent night!
Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
They never let anyone finish a sentence!
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
Momorial Day
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
My Son Is Better Than Yours
My Son Is Better Than Yours Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, "my son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father." The second Catholic women chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace." The third Catholic woman says smugly, "well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence." The fourth Catholic women sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle "Well...?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "My God".
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?

Good restaurant reservations.
Their Obsession
Their Obsession A renowned psychologist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their little children. After a few hours of talking and analyzing their words and behavior, he said: "I believe that you all suffer from some obsession." He turned to the first mother and said, "You obviously have an obsession with food. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. And it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny," He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and said, "Come on, Richard, Peter and Willy, let's go".
“Sooner or later we all quote our mothers." – Bern Williams
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

- Milton Berle.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
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