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Mark Jokes

Funny Work Quotes
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
Pot Puns
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
Garden Quotes
“Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education.”
— Mark Twain
Funny Animal Quotes
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
Funny Health Quotes
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
Friendship Quotes
"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money."
— Mark Twain
“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places."
— Mark Twain
Language Pick Up Lines
If you were a sentence, I'd be the punctuation mark because I'd always follow you no matter what.
Funny Aging Quotes
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
Food Quotes
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
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