Marathon

Why couldn't the garden gnome run in the marathon?
Because he's not part of the human race!
Why was the marathon runner plucked out of the race and taken away to jail?
For resisting a rest.
Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
Because they just take the money and run.
What do you call a married couple who compete in the marathon side-by-side?
Running mates.
Dividing Dad's Buildings
Dividing Dad's Buildings A very sick man is lying in bed. He realizes he doesn't have much time left, so he asks his nurse to bring his wife, daughter, and both sons to him, as well as witnesses and a camera to record his last wishes. When all are assembled, their eyes misty and their faces drawn, he begins to speak. "My son, Sam, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses." "My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier." "My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bayside on Blackwater Sound. The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says: "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property." The wife just grunts. "The a**hole has a paper route".
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this when there's a Battlestar Gallactica marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.