Look

My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
“Sometimes I’m so tired, I look down at what I’m wearing, and if it’s comfortable enough to sleep in, I don’t even make it into my pajamas. I’m looking down, and I’m like T-shirt and stretchy pants? Yup, that’s pajama-y. Good night.”
Rebecca Romijn
“I have noticed that even people who claim everything is pre­determined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.”
Stephen Hawking
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.
What does the scrotum of a catholic priest look like?
Stupid question, even a child knows that.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
“I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.”
Why didn’t one skeleton want to look at the other skeleton?
He didn’t have the stomach for it.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.