Hold Jokes

Can you hold my gloves for a second? I usually warm them by the fireplace, but you are way hotter.
In your hands my heart is clay, To take and hold as you may.
I need an Imodium because I can't hold in my love for you.
If I told you you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Your hand looks heavy—can I hold it for you?
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
Hold the sugar, please. You're sweet enough for me.
My sweetheart, please know that my love for you is like diarrhea. I cannot hold it anymore!
Hold me tight dear and I promise to send all my loving to you.
Can I hold your hand?
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
Are you a fermata? Because I want to hold you.
When this planet is invaded by the aliens, I’d still hold your hand.
While fishing in the blue lagoon,
I caught a lovely silver fish,
And he spoke to me, "My boy," quoth he,
"Please set me free and I'll grant your wish;
A kingdom of wisdom? A palace of gold?
Or all the fancies your mind can hold?"
And I said, "O.K." and I set him free,
But he laughed at me as he swam away,
And left me whispering my wish
Into a silent sea.

Today I caught that fish again
(That lovely silver prince of fishes),
And once again he offered me,
If I would only set him free,
Any one of a number of wishes,
If I would throw him back to the fishes.

He was delicious!!

(Shel Silverstein)
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