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Had

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers.
The Times are rough.
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving...
One day I lobster and never flounder again.
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
I was upset that my mom had sewn patches onto her sweater.
Patches was a great cat.
My asshole neighbors had Waffles for breakfast.
Bastards. I LOVED that cat
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
If I had 5 dollars for every math test I have ever failed then I would have 37 dollars.
When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend
But it was just my imaginasian.