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Had

What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
I was upset that my mom had sewn patches onto her sweater.
Patches was a great cat.
My asshole neighbors had Waffles for breakfast.
Bastards. I LOVED that cat
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
If I had 5 dollars for every math test I have ever failed then I would have 37 dollars.
When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend
But it was just my imaginasian.
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers.
The Times are rough.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving...
One day I lobster and never flounder again.
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
With Coronavirus and our impending doom, I guess no one really had 2020 vision after all.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield