Eye Jokes

Hey baby, you’ve captured my eye. Could I have it back?
If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse...
I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
I think there’s something wrong with my eye. I can’t take them off of you.
You’re the pumpkin pie of my eye.
If eye contact occurs, strip down and rinse off immediately.
Why did the model bring her lipstick and eye shadow to school?
Because she had a make-up exam!
How to spell the potato has tried
Many minds, sometimes mine, I’ll confide.
Though it may have an eye,
There’s no E – don’t ask why!
Not until it’s been baked, boiled or fried.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”

- Sir Winston Churchill.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
Great Catch - I'll Buy You Dinner A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards, they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible. "You know, "he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? " "No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
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