If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis...
Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
What did the arirst say to his friend who was stressed? Don't worry, paintbrush it off.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” - Dolly Parton
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
I'm looking to sell my DeLorean. Good shape, low mileage...
Only driven from time to time.
You can forget about winning, princess. Because even Cinderella can’t get to this ball.
What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?
Lorry-el
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
Graham Norton
Why are skeletons such bad liars?
Everyone can see right through them.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny left his treasure
Eggs marks the spot.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
Are you related to the sun? Because running into you just brightened up my day!
I’m concerned you just might be my poison, Ivy
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Wow Andrew, you seem cool an-drewly gorgeous
Why don’t vampires use the front door?
Because they use the bat flap instead.
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
Skiing is believing!
“Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.”
I have the perfect emoji that describes you, but it would look much better next to your number on my phone.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
My text tone is adorable! Message me, so you can hear it.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
Go to BabaMail
