Roses are brown
Violets are brown
Who crapped in my garden?
A really leery Larry rolls readily to the road.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy
So it’s italicized!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Does your dad own a chocolate factory? Because you are as sweet as chocolate.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
You must be copper because I could really CU ending up with me.
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
Tonight I will be exercising my freedom of assembly… outside your bedroom window.
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap
He was high on my list of priorities.
The female janitor at my office asked me if I would like to smoke some weed with her.
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women.
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining."
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
"Don’t believe everything you think."
Anonymous
My wife and I split up.
She got the “U” and I got the “P”
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football? The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
There was a young man from Lahore
Whose limericks stopped at line four.
When asked why this was,
He responded, "Because."
I call the shots.
Don't you just hate it when it's 212 degrees outside? It really just makes my blood boil.
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
Do you have Spotify? You better have premium so we could get some uninterrupted action.
Go to BabaMail
