Never bet on real estate. The house always wins.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
When it comes to board games about buying real estate, Hasbro has a monopoly…
My brother is a real estate agent. He greets me with, "Hey bro, house it going?"
What is the lightest house a real estate seller sells?
A lighthouse, of course!
What do real estate agents have to be thankful for this year?
Lots.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
What type of real estate transactions do dwarves prefer?
Short sales.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
You just can’t trust real estate developers.
They’re always busy with plots and schemes.
How can you tell if a real estate agent is British?
They’re all about proper tea.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
Why would a real estate business never close down?
Since it’ll never be out of commission.
What are the three things most important to bats about their local real estate?
Echolocation. Echolocation. Echolocation.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
The real estate in my neighborhood has become so expensive that only cats can afford it.
You need nine lives to pay it off.
What happens when you marry the best real estate agent in town?
He sells you the engagement ring.
What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.
The French real estate agent was very upset when their new listing was destroyed.
He said it was chateau-strophic!
How did the realtor compliment his wife?
He said, “Real estate values will go up and down, but you will remain beautiful forever.”
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
There were three guys named Jackson who were all in the clothing business.
Due to lack of real estate options in their city, they all set up shop next door to each other. In order to convince customers to come to their store rather than one of the other Jacksons, they all put up signs to attract customers.
The one on the left puts up a sign that says "Jackson's clothing store (BEST PRICES!)"
Not to be outdone, the one on the right puts up a sign that says "Jackson's clothing store (BEST QUALITY!)
The one in the middle thinks about it for a while, and eventually puts up a sign of his own.
"Jackson's clothing store (MAIN ENTRANCE)."
An architect vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?”
The architect replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.”
The lawyer looked puzzled.
“Gee,” he asked, “how did you start the flood?”
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