A “pea counter” is someone who constantly obsesses over the smallest and most insignificant details. In English, we would call such an individual a nitpicker.
This clever insult is meant to describe a skinny man, often one who doesn’t have visible muscles. The word translates to “asparagus Tarzan” and is often used humorously to mock someone thin and gangly.
In German, an overly pedantic person who always plays by the rules is called an Ameisentätowierer, or “an ant tattooist.” Germans find their habits as annoying as trying to tattoo an ant’s back. Weird, huh?
A “guzzling woodpecker” is a boozer or a drunk. This term is often used affectionately among friends when someone has had a drink too many.
A Tratschtante is a “gossip aunt” who loves to spread rumors and talk about events in other people’s lives. No one likes such a person, and one can assume this insult is likely used in annoyance.
This simple but effective jab pokes fun at someone’s intelligence by comparing them to a single-cell organism. In other words, their intellect may be sub-par at best because they are just “one cellers,” after all.
What exactly is a "cinnamon goat," you might be wondering. In German, this phrase is meant to deride a person as a dimwit. It’s considered a savage burn and saved for particularly snide moments.
When someone is being especially grouchy, the Germans tend to describe them as Stinkstiefel, which translates to “smelly boot.” So if you come across someone like that in your life, you can maybe get back at them by quietly hurling this German jab.
This absurdly specific insult is meant to define an incompetent person who wastes their time doing senseless things not worth doing. Do you know someone who is a Hustensaftschmuggler?
A Lackaffe, or a “varnish monkey” is someone who dresses a little too garishly and is considered overconfident. Just like in English, calling someone an Affe or monkey in German is usually meant to be taken as an insult and can imply you’re calling them a fool. Add Lack, which can mean “lacquer” or “varnish,” and you get to characterize a person whose overly flashy outfit annoys you.
An “evolutionary brake” is a vacuous individual whose existence impedes the advancement of the human species. Clearly, this is a vicious insult meant for those occasions where you can’t tolerate someone’s foolishness anymore.
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