Having one child makes you a parent, having two, makes you a referee - David Frost
Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare - Ed Asner
Parenthood, the scariest hood you'll ever go through - Anonymous
What is a home without children? Quiet - Anonymous
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance - Franklin P. Adams
Having a child is like getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed - Eat Pray Love
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? Milton Berle
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home - Phyllis Driller
The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable - Lane Olinghose
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it - Jerry Seinfeld
The only things kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents - John J. Plomp
People who say they sleep like babies usually don't have them - Leo J Birke
Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off - Ralph Bus
Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble - Martin Mull
To be a successful father there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years - Ernest Hemingway
The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them - Anonymous
There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child - Frank A. Clark
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home - Robert Orben
One thing about having children is that even as it complicates many aspects of your life, it simplifies others - Katie Kitamura
Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain - Martin Mull
Having children is exciting. Life puts the past into perspective - Sam Taylor-Wood
Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going - Phyllis Diller
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half, by our children - Clarence Day
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope - Bill Cosby
Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up - Ray Romano
