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Whether Jokes

Fire Puns
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
Onion Puns
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Funny Money Quotes
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
Funny Animal Quotes
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
Funny Limericks
There was an Old Man of the Wrekin
Whose shoes made a horrible creaking
But they said, 'Tell us whether,
Your shoes are of leather,
Or of what, you Old Man of the Wrekin?'
Funny Parenting Quotes
"I don’t know whether they should say “You have a baby” or “The baby has you”." ~ Anonymous
Stove Puns
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Bowling Puns
If you doubt whether bowling is a sport, get it from me, that yes, it is a sport, but for people who have talent to spare.
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
What are you doing hanging out in aisle 3? You clearly belong in aisle 9. Aisle 10 is within arm's reach but that all depends on whether or not you'll have dinner with me.
One Liners and Short Jokes
My neighbours listen to terrific music... Whether they like it or not.
River Puns
I'm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
It's row v. wade.
Brain Puns
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Puns
It doesn't matter whether you are tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor; at the end of the day...
It's night.
Football Puns
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.