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Turns Jokes

Food Poems
An oyster from Kalamazoo
Confessed he was feeling quite blue.
For he said, "As a rule,
When the weather turns cool,
I invariably get in a stew."
Medieval Puns
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Gorilla Puns
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
Funny Aging Quotes
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
Poop Puns
Turns out our washing machine DOES have a “baby poop” setting.
It’s called “Heavy Doody”
Onion Puns
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Crow Puns
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
Gnome Puns
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Yard Puns
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them has a watch.
"What time do you think it is?" one of them asks the other.
"Just make a ton of noise," says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyway. After a few seconds of screaming, a light turns on in another yard and a neighbor yells, "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"
Food Quotes
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
Witch Puns
Who turns the lights off on Halloween?
The light's witch.
Flamingo Puns
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."