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Self Jokes

One Liners and Short Jokes

I got in touch with my inner self today...That's the a last time I use 1-ply toilet paper

Doctor Puns

Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't.
But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."

Valentines Day Puns

This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.

This Valentine's day, I decided to pay extra and buy flowers that look after themselves.
They are Self Raising.

Computer Puns

My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."

Medieval Puns

Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.

What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.

Closet Puns

What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"

Corn Puns

Boat Puns

I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”

Nurse Puns

Nurse: Wow, that cut looks pretty bad...want me to stitch it up for you?
Me: No, thanks.

Nurse: Fine. Suture self.

Funny Health Quotes

"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb

Corona Virus Jokes

What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation?
Mumbai.

Art Puns

What do you call a painting by a cat of herself? A self paw-trait.

Ancient Greek Monster Puns

Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.