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Lives Jokes

Funny Parenting Quotes
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children." – Clarence Day
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”

- Erma Bombeck.
Funny Aging Quotes
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
Animal Pick Up Lines
If I were a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you
If I were a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you.
Funny Animal Quotes
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”

- Sue Murphy.
Monster Puns
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
Troll Puns
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
Witch Puns
What do you call a witch that lives in the desert?
A sand-witch.
Peach Puns
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Funny Money Quotes
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
Elf Puns
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Werewolf Puns
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
Toilet Puns
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.