Exercise Jokes

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
The Great Outdoors
This guy in his 50s goes to the doctor. "What’s your daily activity level like?" the doctor asks. "Why do you ask?" "Well, a guy your age, probably not eating all that healthy, probably not getting that much exercise…" The guy shrugs. "Yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake and outran a wild dog in the heavy brush." "Well, that sounds pretty good," the doctor comments. "That’s nothing," the guy says. "The day before, I marched up and down several hills and outran a couple of bears." "That sounds really impressive." "And last weekend, I crawled out of quicksand, stood in a patch of poison ivy, and knocked down a small tree.” "Well," the doctor says, "it sounds like you’re one hell of an outdoorsman!" "Nah," the guy replies, "I'm just real lousy at golf."
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.