I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
Do you find bone puns humerus?
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.