What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.