I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse