Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.