Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.