To get to the other tide.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer