What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.