An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”