Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.