You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.