Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.