Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.