An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.