Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!