Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry