Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."