How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.