Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
Never trust math teachers who use graph paper.
They're *always* plotting something.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!