Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.