What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
"Someone's stolen the grass from my garden," said the man looking forlorn.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
The police officer went to the crime scene and he saw that there had been a murder in the dense grasslands. Guess, we could call it a grass-assination.
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.