Little Johnny and the History Exam
Little Johnny and the History Exam In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests." Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. "Well," said Mr. Johnson, "I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you." "So, everyone knows that he was the first president." said little Johnny with his little innocent eyes open large. "Just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you." "Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny. "Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?' Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'."
Enlglysh is a Pane
Enlglysh is a Pane Hear eye sit inn English class; the likelihood is that eye won't pass An F on my report card wood bee worse than swallowing glass It's knot that eye haven't studied, often till late at knight Butt the rules are sew confusing, eye simply can't get them write Hour teacher says, "Heed my advice, ewe must study and sacrifice" Butt if mouses are mice and louses are lice, how come blouses aren't blice The confusion really abounds when adding esses two nouns Gooses are geese, butt mooses aren't meese; somebody scent in the clowns Two ultimatums are ultimata, and a couple of datum are data Sew wouldn't ewe expect it wood bee correct fore a bunch of plums to be plata? And if more than won octopus are octopi, and the plural of ox is oxen Shouldn't a couple of busses bee bussi and a pare of foxes bee foxen? Let's talk about spelling a wile, specifically letters witch are silent Words like "psychologist" and "wreck" shirley make awl of us violent And another example quite plane witch is really hard two explain If it's eye before e except after sea, then what about feign and reign? The final exam will determine how eye due, weather eye pass ore fail I halve prepared as much as eye can down two the last detail I'm ready two give it my vary best inn just a little wile And then isle take a relaxing wrest on a tropical aisle. (By Alan Balter)
Gyno Turned Mechanic
Gyno Turned Mechanic After 20 years of work, a successful gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and decided that, even though this is all he knew, he would seek new career for himself. Hoping to try a career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic, as working in a garage is always something he thought he might be good at. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?” The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.” After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career.”