The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.