Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.