What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.