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This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
Winston Churchill
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
A programmer's wife says: "Run to the store, and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night? He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.
A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Why did the Chinese communist party try to cover up the outbreak of the corona virus disease?
They were afraid not everyone could get it.
I broke up with my girlfriend after she contracted the corona virus
I’ve decided to wash my hands of her.
Woke up with sweats afraid I'd contracted the corona virus...
Changed into jeans and was all good.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.