Think

“I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox
And there’s one more--that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnThey do it without realizing,
They don't really have a clue,
Reading between the lines,
Is something they just can't do.

When there is an argument,
They think they're always right,
No matter what we say or do,
They didn't start the fight.

They blame it on our hormones,
And never take the rap,
If they call us moody bitches,
Then they get a slap.

(By Jessica Miles)Taking a romantic ride today,
We sat upon the wagon.
Suddenly the horse lifted his tail
And we heard a roaring dragon!

The deafening sound hurt my ears
And the smell burned the hairs in my nose.
My girlfriend sat and glared at me.
Somehow my fault I suppose.

It was my idea to take the ride,
But how was I to know?
It really wasn't in my plans;
Didn't know the horse would blow.

The noise and the smell were bad enough,
As the wind blew quickly by.
But I think the very worst of it,
Was the brown stuff in my eye.

My girlfriend's face turned angry red.
So I figured I wouldn't dare,
Advise her of the smelly pieces
Of horse stuff in her hair.

The horse finally stopped; my girl ran away,
Stubbornly lifting her chin.
I think that horse was enjoying himself,
Cause I'm sure I saw him grin.

A lesson learned for me today.
Although I must confess,
I laughed so hard I nearly cried
As I wiped away the mess.

(by Annabel Sheila)They said I was an "old fart"
But I hardly think that's true
My boobs were done in '75
But my teeth and knees are new.

And since my eyes were lasered
I have 20/20 sight
Though I like to sit on 50 k
And hate to drive at night.

All in all I object to "old"
But "fart" is another matter
For I think the valves that seal the gas
Now leak as I've got fatter.

To add to the indignity
And make me feel antique
Sometimes when I sneeze or cough
I spring a little leak.

So if you're feeling young and smug
With a body like brand new
Just remember in 30 years
This figure may be you!

(By Pamela J. Langdon)There once was a girl named Sue.
She came down with the case of the flu.
She let out a sigh,
"My temperature is high,
what ever shall I do?
Oh my! Oh my!
I think I will die.
What ever shall I do?"

So, she stumbled out of bed.
"I know I'll take some meds.
If this the flu,
I take an aspirin or two.
Then I'll drink some broth and some juice.
Oh my! Oh my!"
she began to cry.
"I think this is acute."

So, she grumbled back to bed
and pulled the covers over her head.
She let out a sneeze,
a cough and a wheeze.
"Won't someone help me, please?
Oh my! Oh my!
Will I survive
the case of the crazy flu?"

So, she finally fell asleep.
She slept and slept for a week.
She tossed and turned,
her symptoms have passed.
Her temperature normal at last.
"Oh my! Oh my!
I think I survived
this case of the crazy flu."

Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds.Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room and I think it's you.

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She thought for a moment and said, "No peer pressure."My sister was anxious to do some landscaping at her new home, but then she called up sounding hopeless.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get these trees planted,” she moaned. “It says to plant in full sun, but it’s been cloudy for four days.”

There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think –
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.You may think these limericks are crass
and throw me a comment to sass
but I will agree
to some degree
and I’ll still show you the crack of my ass

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.