Speech Jokes

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.

Winston Churchill
What speech did Abraham Lincoln give when he went to Italy?
The Spaghetties-burg Address.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
I'll have you exercising your right to free speech all night long.
I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...
I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.
Someone I know gave a really deep speech to convince me to go for a colonoscopy
What else can I say?
Something touched me deep inside.
The Politician Mountain Climber A politician, 3 doctors and 3 engineers decided to climb Mount Everest. They arrive there and start climbing the long way up the tallest climb on Earth.  It's a grueling climb and they have to stop many times to rest and pull each other up. Halfway into the climbing, the rope starts to break. The doctors say they should all hang on and wait for help. Nobody believes they will arrive on time. The engineers, with their quick physics skills tell everyone "One of us has to jump or else we all die!" Nobody wanted to jump. Everyone held onto the rope with their hands tightly. Then, the politician let out a sigh. "You people are valuable resources for the country. A doctor can save so many lives. An engineer can build so many innovative things. But what am I? A useless politician. What do I do for society? Nothing. I just give speeches and that's it." - he gives out a very heartfelt sigh. The others were so touched, they all started clapping for the politician.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
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