Someone Jokes

"You need kissing badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how."
- Clark Gable, Gone with the Wind (1939)
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
“A best friend is someone who, when they don’t understand, they still understand."
— Nancy Werlin
“A true friend is someone who is there for you when they would rather be someplace else.”
– Len Wein
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
– Bernard Meltzer
“Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’”
— Cookie Monster
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows you are slightly cracked.”
— Bernard Meltzer
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
— Oprah Winfrey
The neighbor's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything.
Now the neighbors have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.
I’m going to need someone to help me get these pants off after this dinner….
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
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