“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat

Funny Money Quotes

“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” – Billy Crystal

Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme

All doggies go to heaven (or so I’ve been told).
They run and play along the streets of Gold.
Why is heaven such a doggie-delight?
Why, because there’s not a single cat in sight!

(Larry Huggins)

Spotify Pick Up Lines

Has Spotify contacted you yet? Because you are the hottest single in this club.

Did Spotify fix their mistakes? Because you will no longer be the hottest single after you spend time with me tonight.

Babe, I just checked Spotify. It says you're this week's hottest new single.

Did you see the glitch earlier? You weren’t listed as the top hottest single.

Meat Puns

Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.

Food Quotes

“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown

Thanksgiving Pick Up Lines

My entire family keeps asking why I’m still single. Want to help me change that?

Funny Break Up Lines

Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!

Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now.

Wanna see a magic trick? Abrakadabra, you're single now.

Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?

Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.

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