Scottish

What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.

“Aha”, says the engineer, “I see that Scottish sheep are black.”

“Hmm”, says the physicist, “You mean that some Scottish sheep are black”.

“No”, says the mathematician, “All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!”
Where's the weak spot on a Scottish goalie? The fief hole.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.