Returned

I said to my boss the other day, "I need to leave early today, I'm going to be a father!"
"Of course", he replied. "Take the afternoon off."

When I returned to work the next day, my boss came to my desk.
"Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?"

"I dunno", I said, "I'll tell you in nine months."
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
Yo Momma so stupid she returned a jigsaw puzzle because it was broken.
Wife and I returned to find our bathtub overflowing...
I turned to her panicked face, "Oh, dam it"
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static-electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
A young man had just returned home from culinary school and was telling his family about everything he had learned.
"The most interesting thing I learned was about the French Fry", he told them.
"Combing through historical records, we found that it was not first fried in France!"
His family was astounded, and asked where it was fried originally.

"In Grease, of course."
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”

- Percy French.
There was a young woman named Bright,
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
and returned on the previous night.
There was an Old Person of Anerley,
Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly;
He rushed down the Strand
With a pig in each hand,
But returned in the evening to Anerley.
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