“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” Noel Coward
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.” Chris Rock
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p.e.n.i.s? The spine.
I once asked my grandfather how he'd lived so long He smiled and said; "I sprinkle a little gunpowder on my cereal every morning."
I always thought that was a little weird but he did live a long life and left a great legacy; a thriving career, loving wife, seven children, sixteen grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, and a massive hole in the crematorium wall.
Conductor on a train: “But sir, you cannot travel with this! This is a child’s ticket! You’re at least 19 years old!” Me: "That's how long your delay was."