Lemon

What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
Father, I Must Confess My Sins
Father, I Must Confess My Sins There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times." The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice." The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."