Glad Jokes

“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
I'm glad there's freedom of religion because I worship you.
Glad I brought out the oven mitts, because you’re too hot to handle.
Wow, you feel like a comet, you are a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I’m glad I didn’t miss it. Can I buy you a drink?
I'm glad you are wearing non-slip shoes because if you come home with me it's gonna get real wet.
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
Another candle on your cake?
Well, that's no cause to pout.
Be glad that you have strength enough
To blow the d*** thing out.
Here they come, with birthday cheer,
Bringing gifts just once a year,
People you don't even like;
You really wish they'd take a hike.

This should be a glad occasion;
But it seems more like a SWAT invasion.
Go away! Just take a break!
Oh well, at least there's birthday cake.

(Joanna Fuchs)
You may look a little older,
Sadly youth doesn't come cheap,
So skip all those Botox parties,
And just get your beauty sleep.

Be glad you're young at heart,
And still look as good as gold,
Too bad you're not a millionaire,
And can't put your looks on hold.

(Kevin Nishmas)
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
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