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Get

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?
No more jokes about the profit.
What did the man with no hands get for his christmas gift?
Gloves.

Just Joking. He still hasn't opened the gift.
I just asked the wife to get into her nurse's uniform.
She said "Why? Are you feeling horny?"
"No we need bread!"
We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.
Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
Hey Steve, do you shower after sex?
Well yes Bob, I do.
Great, can you please get laid more often?
I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me.
I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
My wife treats me like a God – every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.
My wife said to me, if you don't get off of the computer and help with the housework, she will bash my head on the keyboard.
But I think she's JokiSDGF4s475241GHHHNM,GDSSSDFSDFSDFADGHKLL;/UYRT5555rrTTTTTTEEEECbbbbbbbbII003333454587111,KSDFUJYTFD3u8ol;b ki90l.YJNMLGDSFSDASEDRUKOML'M :][EYRTYB;JIOI#M#KYFU6DCK ;/[]/
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."

A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
How does Robin Hood get from here to there?
In an “arrow plane.”
Two condoms are walking down the street...
They pass a gay bar and one condom says to the other "hey, do you wanna get shit-faced?"
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.