Flower Jokes

Are you a flower? Because I fell in love with you once and floral.
I saw a flyer about a missing flower, would you call your florist and let him know you are safe?
I am a dog.
And you are a flower.
I lift my leg up.
And give you a shower!
When my cat sleeps, he snoozes
Inside the laundry basket,
Or on top of a tree,
Crammed inside a shelf,
Where no-one can see.
In empty shopping bags,
And cartons made of cardboard,
On piles of books and newspapers,
And suitcases that are stored.
Curled up under furniture,
In places we’d never think to look.
Or nestled behind a flower pot,
In a hard to find nook.
Since my cat sleeps for at least sixteen hours each day
He must be bored of sleeping in the same old way!

(Santhini Govindan)
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard and taking poops on my flower bed.
His dog is not as bad.
Someone told me I'm a rare Mexican Flower.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
Hue and the Friars The church in my town fell on hard times recently. There wasn't hardly enough money coming in to keep the lights on. So, with the approval of the priests, the friars began selling flowers from the Church's magnificent garden. They were a hit, and soon the flower money was rolling in in droves. A few days after they start, however, Tony, the local florist comes to the church in a huff. "Please," he begs of the friars, "you must stop selling flowers! Everyone wants to buy flowers from the men of God, so nobody comes to my business! I'll be ruined if you keep this up." "We're sorry," the friars tell him, "but the doors of Hod's temple must remain open, and for that we need money." Tony leaves the church, even more upset. He goes to his neighbors asking if they'll help him boycott, but they're all too afraid to speak out. lawyer, seeing if he can solve this legally, but the lawyer won't dare try and sue the church. He even goes to the governor, but he gets told the Church isn't doing anything wrong. The week rolls by, and the friars grow more successful as Tony gets closer to broke. Finally, in desperation, he hires the meanest, maddest, most nasty man in town, Hue, and sends him after the friars. Hue scares all the friars, smashes all their tables, rips up the garden beds, and even pisses all over the remaining flowers. The next day, the Friars are no longer selling flowers, and Tony is back in business. In the end, it seems the saying is true: Hue and only Hue can prevent florist friars.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
"Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again."
- Henry Beard
"What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?
They both have bees coming after them."
- Kim Roblin
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