Diet

My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
My friend Elmer’s has gotten really good at tennis ever since he stuck to a healthier diet and went glue-ten free.
How can astronauts get more protein in their diet? They make it meteor.
The Best Weight Loss Program
The  Best Weight Loss Program A guy heard about this amazing new weight loss company, all his friends tell him there's nothing like it for losing a quick 5 pound. He calls the company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old woman dressed in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me". Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10 lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program." Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there, wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads: "If I catch you, you are mine."
The Recommended Treatment
The Recommended Treatment A man returns from a foreign holiday and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. "This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've found you have an extremely nasty STD called G.A.S.H. It's a combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, Syphilis, and Herpes!" "Oh my gosh," cried the man, "What are you going to do, doctor?" "Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread." "Will that cure me??" asked the man. "Well... no." The doctor replied. "But it's the only food we can get under the door."