Correct Jokes

Correct punctuation: the difference between a sentence that’s well-written and a sentence that’s, well, written.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
Everyone knows that it is easier to bury short people. All you need to do is find the correct shoe box.
After se* last night my new girlfriend snuggled up to me and said, “You know, you’re easily the biggest I’ve ever had.”
Apparently, “Ditto” wasn’t the correct response.
April Fools Day: The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.
Walk by a girl and say "Are you looking at me? And if she says no say "Damn!" You had me at your impeccable spelling and correct use of grammar.
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