What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it. We're closed.
Sleeping is so easy
I can do it with my eyes closed.
What does the sign on the brothel say when it’s closed?
Beat it, we're clothed.
What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? Beat it, we're closed.
This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.

She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.

she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.

she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.

Best thing that has ever happened to me.
What are a married man's two greatest assets? A closed mouth and an open wallet.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Why do army snipers close one eye while shooting?
Because if they closed both eyes they wouldn't be able to see.