Candy Jokes

I'm no sandman, but I can take you to cotton candy land.
You must be a Candy bar because you appease me.
Even the Chocolate factory doesn't make candy as sweet as you.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
The Special Gift On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," Little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"
This dinner isn’t the only thing that’ll make you want to take off your pants.
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Want to candy my yams?
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
What type of candy sent the skeleton to the hospital?
Jawbreakers.
If life is like a box of chocolates,
is it rude to ask for candy?
Can you really say with certainty
that you even understand me?

When life hands you lemons
I think you'd better run.
Cause life can throw a curve ball
and hit you just for fun.

I can do without the chocolates
You can keep your lemons too.
Life is what you make of it
not what it makes of you.

(Sarina McConnell)
Sandy was a chocoholic,
The worst I've ever seen!
If she didn't eat some daily,
She'd become crazy mean!

It didn't matter what kind it was,
Ice cream, cake, pie or candy,
As long as it was chocolate,
Sandy was fine and dandy!

Then one day the unthinkable happened,
To the chocolate loving miss,
While eating her favorite candy,
She choked on a chocolate kiss!

"Death by chocolate," the coroner concluded,
As to the cause of Sandy's death.
At least she died doing what she loved,
Eating chocolate til her last breath.

(Kim Merryman)
Is that a candy cane in your pocket, or are you just struggling to contain your excite-mint?
Even Santa doesn't make candy as sweet as you.
I don’t want your candy, what I really want is your number.
Hey, Are you made of candy? Because you look sooo sweet!
Baby, I would trade the entire candy bar in the world for you.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
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