Bottle

What does a homeless woman use for a vibrator? Two flies in a bottle.
Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle? Because his wife died.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
A man gives his wife an expensive bottle of wine for her birthday. After a few glasses the wife blurts out, “I love you”.
The husband responds: “Is that you or the wine talking?”

Wife: “This is me, talking to the wine”.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her of her feet.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.