Bath

Two monkeys are high up in the tree.
One turns to the other and says, “Oooo ooo aah aahh!!”
The second monkey says, “Well put some cold water on it then!"
The Wife's On a Winning Streak
The Wife's On a Winning Streak One day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper." The next day, the woman arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper." The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper." Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub!" He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet!"
Wanna have a bath with me.. you can play with my rubber dickie.
Baby are you a toaster? Because I'd like to take a bath with you.
The Toaster, aka...

the ultimate bath bomb.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
How Lucky Can One Gal Get?
How Lucky Can One Gal Get? My wife comes in with a brand new bag, looked expensive. Me: "Honey I see you got a new Gucci bag, where'd you get it?" Wife: "My boss and I bought a lottery ticket together and won! I bought the bag with my half of the winnings." *next day wife comes home with new, fancy sunglasses. Me: "Wow those are elegant sunglasses you have on today. Where did you get them?" Wife: "My boss and I spent some of our leftover winnings on another ticket and won again! Used my half of the winnings to treat myself again." *the 3rd day wife drives home in new Ferrari Me: "Let me guess...you and your boss won the lottery again?" Wife: "Yes!! Isn't our luck just so unbelievable right now?? All of this winning has wiped me out mentally. Could you do me a huge favor and fill the bath for me so I can relax?" Me: "Anything for you, dear." *Wife comes up to see the bathtub filled with only an inch or two of water. Wife: "Honey how is this gonna work... You need to fill it with way more water than this." Me: "We don't want to get your lottery ticket wet now do we?"
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
What street does the hippocampus live on?
Memory lane.
Why didn't the brain want to take a bath?
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. I mean, what a thing to say to a friend.
It totally ruined our bath!
Why will you not want to give a bath to the Saturn? It would then leave a ring around the tub.
King Hero of old Syracuse had doubts that made him frown.
"Perhaps my goldsmith did not use pure gold to make the crown."
Since proof of mischief must be strong to put a thief in collar,
The king who feared his judgment wrong called on his science scholar.
"Archimedes, friend of old, find me the solution!
Is my crown pure solid gold, or is that an illusion?"
The scholar's task was serious; he struggled hard with math.
His mind was near delirious until he poured his bath.
He noticed how the water pushed him up as he stepped in.
He thought about it harder as he stroked his bearded chin.
"The weight of displaced liquid should always let me know
When any golden solid has a density too low!"
"Eureka!", he resounded. "I have such a clever mind".
Yet his claim was unfounded 'cause he left his clothes behind!

(by Robert Z)
She fell into the bath tub.
she fell into the sink.
she fell into the rasberry jam.
and came out pink!